Yes-Yes, In an Established Relationship, Testing is a No-No.

It was Wednesday. Nate asked me where I was going? I didn’t want to tell him. Ever get like “Do I have to account for every second of my life just cause I’m married.” Well, actually it wasn’t like that. I don’t get those feelings anymore-but I used to.

I didn’t want to tell him because I was going to the hairdresser and I wanted to see if he would notice when I got home. If I tell him of course he will be alerted. He asked so directly that I couldn’t obfuscate or change the subject, so I told him. He took it in. In fact, he said something to the effect that “I’ll be sure to notice your hair when you get home.”

I went to Loehmann’s afterwards to extend the time to see if he would still remember. Well, I also wanted a couple of tops. I haven’t bought any clothes this year. That can start to wear on a lady’s psyche after a while.

(Caption:Yellow is not good next to my sallow complexion, but I fell in love with the color and pattern.)

Even so, when I got home, he remembered to oooh and ahhh. Note, I said remembered, because I know he remembered; I not sure that he noticed. Let’s face it, when I’m in the middle of a style, a trip to the hairdresser freshens it up, it doesn’t make an extreme difference. Even my friends don’t notice; they just complement me on how great I look in general. I can see they haven’t figured out why. Hey, I’m not complaining.

So, here’s the imperfect spouse part. It was me—-this time. What was I doing testing him—he wouldn’t notice my hair if I didn’t tell where I’m going? What kind of stupid stuff is that, even if I wasn’t really serious about it?  I really don’t get angry when he doesn’t notice, and if it’s important to me that he make me feel good about how I look, I say to him, “Nathan notice that my hair is done and tell me how wonderful it looks. And he does; that works so great. I think sometimes I act classically female by default and it’s nothing to brag about. It’s not fair to set traps. It doesn’t take a lot of skill to set a trap that a caring, loving, but not that tuned in to our wavelength man will fall into. But every trap we set, injures the man we trap. Is that really what we want? No; shame on me.

I spend half my time thinking about was yoyos men are and the rest thinking about what insecure meanies (true I was thinking of the plural of a 5 letter word, but this works) we are.
When I was younger, I honestly thought that men and women were exactly the same except for men’s extra appendage — which gave them a leg up on us women (I simply could not resist the humor. — Yes, that’s humor. If men and women are alike, then men truly are flunking out. And that makes woman flunking out, too. But we are not alike, although we do share an amazing amount of thoughts and values. Nathan said that what he admired about me when we met, was my values; I didn’t even know they were showing.
Anyway, men and women are different. Next blog, I’ll talk about who I learned that from. There are about 3 people that got the differences through my thick skull. Stay tuned.

Let me know your thoughts.  And stay tuned for contest next month.

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