Transform your Anger; Transform your Relationship Experience

My Husband Turns on a Light – Inside Me

I collapsed onto the bed flat on my back, fully clothed, one leg still hanging over the side of the bed, wrapping the covers over one side of me and the pillow covering my other arm. A quick nap before my husband Nathan got home. Snooze, snooze, snooze.

Then from some faraway place a faint “Hellooo”. Then, nothing. Then tromp, tromp up the steps; then quiet; then a flash of light.

I knew he couldn’t see me in the dark. Sometimes I can’t see him in the bed with all the covers over him, especially when the room is so dark.  Yet, he knew that I must be there asleep, or I would have answered.  So he put on the light for a quick minute to look, to check, figuring if I were asleep that I wouldn’t notice.  Not the first time he’s been wrong.  But then again, his perfection would make me really look bad by comparison.

I moved to cover my eyes from the light – and to let him know I was there even before I felt like talking.

I said “You couldn’t see me?”

He said, “I did when you moved.”

I said, “I’m getting up.”

He said, “Good,” and went downstairs to prepare dinner. (Yes. My husband Nathan loves to cook.)

I Took Time to Notice a Miracle

I lay there for a bit, reviewing the miracle of what had happened.  I know that a long time ago, he would have flashed the light on, and I would have flashed my anger. How dare he wake me when it was obvious that I was sleeping! How inconsiderate, even for an instant! If he couldn’t see me, he should have come around the bed to check quietly without disturbing me.

But here I am in the midst of a new habit that I’ve established. I had an instant reaction, but it wasn’t an anger flash; it was an understanding flash. This understanding flash came because I have dared to allow myself to believe that my husband loves me and would not do anything to upset me – on purpose. I smiled and got up.

It was freezing. I went to the thermostat and saw that it had been turned off – by guess who. (Only two people live in our house, and it wasn’t me.) Was it time for some instant temper flash? No, I was feeling too mellow. Besides, the delicious smells from the kitchen made me happy  and grateful that I shared housekeeping with my own personal chef.

I’m paying particular attention since I’m teaching my 3-Step “Transform your Relationship Experience” TeleCourse. It’s a course that’s geared to 30-55 year old women who are unhappy in their relationship and blame their husband for their unhappiness, but want to find a way to stay in the relationship and be happy.

The next 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” TeleCourse begins January 4, 2010. Check it out and register here:

In the course, I have women create a baseline measurement of their “what is” when they begin the course, so they can measure their improvement as they learn simple, easy-to-implement strategies and tools for transforming their relationship experience into what they desire and deserve. I do the exercises right along with them. So I’m tuned in to myself in my relationship.

It was great to realize my complete absence of anger. I felt really good – 2 instances in a row. Peace and calm had prevailed.

Life is Full of Tests

Then I walked into the downstairs bathroom to discover the cat had peed just outside the litter box for the second time today.   grrrr……    Oh well, I’m human.

2 Responses to “Transform your Anger; Transform your Relationship Experience”

  1. Tyler says:

    Well I am 5 years younger than the age group your course is geared towards. I’m engaged and plan to get married. I googled “transforming your relationship” and your page came up. I am unhappy with the way I relate to my boyfriend and realize that my behavior is causing a lot of sadness. I plan on following this website in order to improve my attitude and gain the happiness I deserve. Thank you

  2. Imperfect Spouse says:


    I’m so glad you found your way to and that you sense
    that what is offered here will be of value to you…

    Because it WILL!

    And your comment offers me the opportunity to provide even greater clarity
    about your being “younger” than the age range I mention here at the site.

    Although I’ve created the 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience”
    System and all of the courses associated with it primarily for women between
    30 and 55 years of age, the truth of the matter is that the content – being
    “principle-based” – is applicable to and useable by women of ANY age – in
    any stage of a relationship.

    The 3-Step Quick-Start Course is exceptionally valuable for someone like
    you, who is entering into a new marriage and doesn’t want to bring their
    old, non-supportive habits (that we all learn from our own parents, from our
    communities, from our religious institutions, etc., all of whom have the
    best of intentions for us, but often model what DOESN’T work…) into the
    marriage that they’re making a life-long commitment to.

    The 3-Step System is also invaluable to women who are already in long-term
    committed relationships or marriages who want to break the habits that
    aren’t bringing them the greatest joy and happiness.

    And the System will even help women who are already generally happy in their
    relationship to become even happier – and YES, that IS possible!

    So while I’m excited that you’ll be visiting this Web site – and I hope
    you’ll comment often – I also encourage you to enroll in the TeleCourse and
    discover how well it will work for you, right now. I offer a money-back
    guarantee, so I’ll take all the risk, as long as you follow along and DO
    what I teach in the class.

    I commend you for wanting to do whatever it takes to ensure that you’ll be
    happy in your marriage! I hope to have you as a Student, soon, so you can
    get the most benefit, most quickly.

    Merle Singer
    The Relationship Miracle Worker

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