Long Relationship; One Mind

He likes it straight. So do I.

He likes it straight. So do I.

So here’s an amazing story about being married for 42 years. It’s one of those amazing stories of long relationships and spouses/partners finishing your sentence for you on steroids.

It was a work day. I was in for the count especially with all the rain. You know, sugar melts in the rain. So I took my shower and put on perfunctory make-up, but I didn’t do my hair. I just scrunched it and let it dry. When I do that it has a small wavy, frizzy look. Normally, I would dry it and straighten it into my characteristic do. I didn’t want to take the time.

Well, I think it was at dinner, Nathan asked me why I wore my hair like that. Hmmmm, I thought to myself, he didn’t say how great my hair looked, and he’s asking why I’m wearing it like this. Hmmmm, he doesn’t like it.” I say, You don’t like it?

He doesn't like it curly, but it's fun for a change.

He doesn't like it curly, but it's fun for a change.

“No,” he says, “I’m just curious. I mean you don’t wear it like this often. I guess I’m used to it the other way.”

I think to myself “He doesn’t like it. Actually, I’m not sure that I do. It’s just a change.”

I answer him, “I didn’t want to take the time to style it. It takes about ½ hour.”

Oh,” he says. “Boy am I glad I’m not a woman. I wouldn’t want to have to do that all the time.” Not exactly a delicate sentence, but hey, I’m teaching a 3-step Transform your Relationship Experience, I know enough not to take silly sentences seriously.

And that was that until the next morning. While I was dressing in the morning I was looking at myself in the mirror, thinking about my mother and what she would think if she saw my hair like this. My mother always told me that I had straight hair. Although my hair was never straight by Asian standards. Asian women have beautiful, really straight hair. My hair was never straight like that. I asked her about it, but she insisted that my hair was straight. She ought to know. And for sure, I never saw my hair scrunched this this as a child, because my mother insisted that every morning and when I washed it that I brush my hair at least 100 strokes. As a result, and wave was brush out of my very fine hair.

I was on the way downstairs to breakfast with all these thoughts in my head, and I called to Nathan already in the kitchen, saying, “It’s because of my mother.” I continue into the kitchen, and he says to me, “You mean your hair.” The man’s a genius. Is that not incredible? He was able to maintain that conversation from the night before. He knew it before he looked at me and saw my hair to remind him.

That’s it. I have nothing more to say.

It’s days later, and I’m still dumbfounded that he kept that conversation going clear enough so that before he saw me (outside of bed) he followed the thread of the conversation.

I’m thinking about how that could happen. I know that I wasn’t offended by his not liking my hair, so there was no heat in the conversation. He was graciously diplomatic about expressing his thoughts. I was comfortable to keep my ‘do’ going another day cause it suited my needs at the moment (meaning I was too busy to bother with it.) I was comfortable knowing that the usual hairdo would be back in time for everyone’s comfort.

I enjoy achieving this overall sense of self-confidence which makes communication with everyone so much easier. It is an interesting dynamic of a long, intimate relationship that eliminates tension. I supposed that’s what created the atmosphere to keep the thought circulating in the house till in was completed in the morning.

And what would my mother say about my husband just nailing that thread of conversation right to her? I’m still laughing, Mom.

Don’t forget to click on Amazing Woman Button up top for fabulous Amazing Womans Day on January 30, 2010.

Also, my next Transform your Relationship Experience Telecourse begins February 1.
You know that it’s designed for women 30-55 unhappy and blaming their husband or partner yet still wanting to make it work. There is still room in the class for you or someone you know that deserves to get happy. Click, click.

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