Laugh your way to a Great Relationship
We had just finished dinner. We were cleaning up. Nathan was cutting the individual chocolate, chocolate chip, chocolate-icing bundt cakes in quarters for his whenever-he-feels-like-it snacks. They come in a clear, plastic, lidded container for 4. It looked so nice and neat in the container that I said “You could leave in the the plastic container instead of putting it in the plastic bag where the remainder of his left overs lay lifeless and chocolate-smeared.” Even frozen in the freezer the bag gets pretty smeary.
Here is Nathan’s response. “Yes, they think they can marry you and then change you.”
I burst out laughing. Like I could change anything about that man. He is so much stronger-willed than I. Without any effort at all, he is single mindedly who and what he wants to be at all times. After forty-one years of marriage and mostly a great relationship, I speak with authority. I certainly have done my best to “fix” him, not that he wasn’t a wonderful man already. But who’s the man that couldn’t benefit from just a little bit of tweaking.
It was somewhere around year 20-25 that I just gave up. I had tried everything, yelling, screaming, crying, ignoring, pleading, sneering. All I got was frustration.
Giving up was really my salvation. I started ignoring what I didn’t like and emphasizing — and praising — was I did like. And Voila’, we were both happier — and happier with each other.
So by now, when he gives me the “She wants to change me” routine, I always laugh. Cause it really is a big joke. But I also notice that this must be something that is important to him. It doesn’t make sense that it is, but it doesn’t have to make sense to me as long as it does to him. So I luagh at the joke and move on. I don’t eat those things anyway.
Does that mirror your experience or do you have a different experience? Let me know your secret to a great relationship.
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