A Valentine’s Eve Real Relationship Experience

I wrote this in hopes that it may encourage the disillusioned.

Nathan and I are definitely poster children (poster adults?) for quiet joy of happy company. And so I wrote……

It’s February 13, the eve to Valentine’s Day.  Ahhhh, it’s so romantic.  Now, for Real Life.

Over-romanticized versus Romantic

I believe that many people have an over-romanticized view of married life.  That’s so sad, because, it can never meet their expectations and then they feel that they have failed.  Not so, only unrealistic expectations. Stuff happens. It happens to us all. It’s not a about smoothly dancing through life it’s about dancing around all that gets in your way—-gracefully with good cheer.

Let me give a slice out of my very happy married life that isn’t typically “romantic” —- not even smooth or without disappointments.  Here is goes:

My cousin in-law wanted to show her mother (in town from the East Coast) Nathan’s art work.  So we invited them for dinner.  How lovely — of me to invite them when Nathan is the cook. He is always so good natured about my volunteering his chef services.

Last-Minute Cancellation

It was 4:30pm when we got the call that Mom had wrenched her back and had to be sitting on the plane for 6 hours tomorrow on the way home.  Dinner cancelled. Oh no, the smells were already wafting through the house: Eggplant parmesan, roasted little potatoes, already in their big casserole dishes.   Did I mention I was already getting hungry?

I called our son. Did he want to come over? No. I couldn’t think of anyone else to call so late.

I said: “Stop the cooking and we’ll worry about it tomorrow.  Do you want to go to the movies?”

He said: “Yes, I really want to see the Hurt Locker; it got great reviews.”

I think: “Oh, no, I don’t want to see that–too much violence.”

He said: “How about Inglorious Bastards?”

I think: “This is not going well.”

I’m ready to give in and see the Hurt Locker, but the pain onmy face must have been too clear and Nathan said he didn’t want to go to the movies tonight.

See, this is real life

Shall we eat in or go out?  This was a question that I could answer–easily.

I said, “We need to go out.”

He said: Okay, I want to go to the 8oz Burger Bar on Melrose. What a relief. It was something he wanted that I have resisted. I’m not a burger kind of gal, usually. Nathan wanted to try their veggie burger.

We went.  We shared a veggie burger and garlic potato fries, and I got grilled artichoke and delicious broccoli to round out the meal with a glass of sauvignon blanc to share.

The music was too loud. The restaurant was clearly going for the under 35 crowd. Nathan and I must have raised the average age by 10, maybe 20, maybe more years.

Food, the Important Stuff

Definitely the Way to my Heart is Through my Stomach.

The food was delicious. They always say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and that’s how it works for me as well.  Food calms me down and a bit of wine heightens my mood. If I have to choose between the food or the wine, food will win every time, unless I just ate.  It’s almost Valentine’s Day; see how romantic I get.

Afterwards, we went for a walk along Melrose to walk off the food..  It was more lively this evening, cause it was before 8pm and the stores were open. We went into Wasteland, a large, trendy store of retro clothing to browse. The store was definitely not making money from us. What I saw  that I liked wasn’t even for sales; it was an interesting partition made of wooden hangers—very cool.

We kept walking and passed a store called Street Sounds, 7704 Melrose Ave, the second DJ shop in Southern California. There was a T shirt in the window that said “I  (pix of) heart, (pix of) house, (pix of) musical notes–(I love house music).  It’s the ‘house’ that didn’t make sense, so I went into the store (empty at the moment) and asked the owner what it meant.  Apparently there is a musical genre called house music. Okay, so we’re out of touch.  We ended up having a wonderful conversation with this man who is of  the Bahai faith from Iran –coming about 30 years ago to go to college here. We got his whole story and Nate amused him with this standard stories.

Repetition Proves my Membership in the Nostalgia Club

You know after 42 years married, I’ve stopped even counting how many times I’ve heard the same story.  It used to bother me as repetitive and boring, but now I am bemused by it as predictability and like a secret handshake that I know.

We walked back to our car and went home.  At home, we each went to our own computer to check our email. Now that’s a real Valentines’ Eve.  Enough time with you, now I’m heading into the other room.  “Nathan, here I come.”

What Do You Think?

Do you have any experience with letting go of your expectations of your partner and your overly romaticized view of relationship and life in general. ? I’d love to hear your success stories!

I welcome you to leave your comments on this blog post!

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