10 Tips to Marriage Surviving and Thriving – Tip Two

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 Tip Two:    You don’t have to agree with each other

You don’t have to agree with each other. It is an unrealistic relationship expectation. People in a relationship do not have to have the same opinion on everything. This is very difficult for many people to wrap their minds around. How many times have I heard that “He’s a great guy, but he’s a Democrat/Republican and I’m not.”  I say, “ So what.”  It’s not about agreeing with each other; it’s about supporting each other. 

 You know, I really believe that bringing more couples to live and thrive with each other in love and respect is truly creating world peace one relationship at a time.  And here is where the rubber meets the road. 

It’s easy to get along with people you agree with  

It’s easy to get along with your twin that agrees with you on everything.  It’s a little more difficult to get along with other siblings that understand your history but don’t necessarily share your interpretation of that ‘history’. Friends are easier to get along with because you usually don’t live with them so it’s easier to avoid the issues that you disagree with.

 The challenge is to get along with people you don’t agree with

But a romantic relationship becomes so intimate that you frequently share your thoughts and outlooks that often diverge from each other.  Nathan will talk about government with anarchistic anger.  I’m more pragmatic and more inclined to think in terms of working within the system.   It took me quite a while to ‘allow’ him to have different thoughts from me—especially about the kids. 

 Never mind what other people think of your partner’s opinions

I’ve observed that some of the issue with differences of opinions is connected with our friends and family and being acceptable to them— including  our partner being acceptable to them.  So his opinions, we fear, will make our important people think less of us, ourselves–as if they can’t separate him form us. I have not been above such thinking.  Fortunately, I’ve come to the point that whatever my friends or family think of his rantings, so be it–in fact, he’s not ranting so much these days.  My only caveat for my sweetheart is that I don’t want to be the dumping ground for his harangues. I give him a few minutes time limit, and then he has to talk about a specific plan he has or wrap it up.

 But for sure we don’t agree.  I really think that his different approach to some things is part of his attraction.  I’m sure you’ve heard that the very trait that attracts us to someone is the trait that drives us crazy. ‘Too much of a good thing’, as they say.

 Try this at home

So let your partner be who he is, believing what he does.  And next time, you get into a discussion, simply say, “I see your point of view.”  No arguing, simply respecting his perspective. Try it out and let me know what happens.

My next 3-Step Transform your Relationship Experience tele-class begins April 5

If you are a woman around 30-55, blaming your husband for your unhappiness, but not wanting to divorce—at least not yet, have I got a course for you.  My 3-step Transform your Relationship Experience course starts the first Monday of every month.  The next class begins April 5. To find out details for my next training, click http://budurl.com/tyret.

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